Random Television Memories, Part 1

When I was a kid, TV was a huge deal in my house, as it was in a lot of houses at the time. I’m talking late 70’s, early 80’s (which would put me in the 8-11 age range). My daytime viewing was hit and miss because if my mom caught me inside watching TV for too long on a nice day I was promptly told to go outside and play. The evenings, however, were a different story. My parents parked themselves in the living room every night. For the most part, they had sole control over what we watched and, trust me, I watched a lot of stuff that was WAY above my age range. Every once in a while, though, I got to watch something I wanted to watch. I have vague recollections of several shows that have lived in my brain for 40 years now. You know what I’m talking about, right? Very unspecific but specific memories of things from your childhood or youth. I remember watching certain shows but have fleeting memories of the content of those shows save a specific memory or two from each of them. Here are three shows that fit that description for me and the very specific memories I have for each.

That’s Incredible (Monday nights) – This was one of television’s first reality shows. It was hosted by John Davidson, a post-NFL Fran Tarkenton, and Cathy Lee Crosby. Mom and dad liked this show, too, so we watched it on a regular basis. It featured people with unusual talents (they once featured a 5 yo who could hit a golf ball extremely well…turned out that was Tiger Woods as a child), stunts (I remember a guy walking on hot coals), as well as scientific, medical, and technological breakthroughs. It also featured reenactments of paranormal events which all scared the living hell out of me every single time. At the time, we lived in a semi-haunted house (that’s an entirely different story) so I was terrified that all of their haunting reenactments were soon to be happening in my own house. My one lasting memory from this show: they featured a segment on something called “spontaneous human combustion”. From that point on, I was terrified that I was just going to burst into flame and end my beautiful little life before it ever got started.

Donny & Marie (Friday nights) – Perhaps the cheesiest show ever created. This was on before my parents’ shows started on Friday nights so I was able to watch it. It, of course, featured the dancing and singing talents of the twins, Donny and Marie Osmond, as well as other actors and comedians – mostly of the “B” list level – in skits and spoofs. Strangely enough, this show was originally created by Sid & Marty Krofft (they’re a whole article by themselves) and produced in Los Angeles but, after a long battle, control was given to the Osmonds and production was moved to Orem, Utah. The Utah location was said to be the reason only “B” list Hollywood stars were willing to appear on the show. Perhaps the most recognizable part of the show was a segment called “I’m a little bit country, I’m a little bit rock and roll”, where the twins would sing a song by the same name intercut with a medley of songs – Marie singing segments of country songs and Donny singing segments of “rock” songs. My one lasting memory from this show? A recurring skit called “Captain Purple” where Donny was a Superman type character named D. Clarke Osmond who, when needed, could change into Captain Purple by simply saying the word “Elprup” (yes, that’s the word purple backwards). Usually, Marie played a damsel in distress that was rarely saved by the bumbling Captain Purple so almost every one of these skits ended with her yelling “help” in the same manner every time.

Kids Are People Too (Sunday mornings) – This show was on early on Sunday mornings. Me watching it kept me out of my parents’ hair while they got ready for church so the let me watch. By the time I was tuning in, it was hosted by a guy named Michael Young. Now, I have very clear memories of the host opening the show singing a song called “Kids Are People Too” (the lyrics “wakadoo wakadoo wakadoo” from that song will forever be stuck in my head). The previous host, Bob McAllister, apparently sang that song at the end of the show and his version of that song can easily be found on YouTube. But I not only distinctly remember the host singing it to OPEN the show but I remember him playing fetch with a dog all over the stage while he sang. He even had special “tennis ball holsters” on his belt where he kept the tennis balls before the dog joined him on stage. Sadly, I can’t find a single shred of evidence of this on the internet so it must be another instance of the Mandela Effect. Such a pity. The show itself was aimed at teens and featured a lot of teen actors and singers. I remember seeing stars from the shows “Diff’rent Strokes” and “The Facts of Life” to Shawn Cassidy as well as Leather Tuscadero herself, Suzi Quatro. The one episode that ended my viewing of the show for good, however, happened in 1980 when KISS (still in full makeup and garb) was featured on the show. In fact, they debuted their new drummer, Eric Carr (replacing the departed Peter Criss) on said episode. My mother walked in, saw them – incredulous that I was watching such people on Sunday morning before church – and turned it off. I wasn’t allowed to watch anymore. Thanks, KISS.

As I researched for this article, I realized just how many shows from my childhood fit into the category of “vaguely specific memories and recollections”. I’ll be featuring some of those in the coming weeks. Stay tuned!